I Invented Post Its
Saturday is my 10 year high school reunion. I hadn’t really given it much thought (even though I was on the planning committee) until the last two weeks. For the last two weeks I’ve been working out, planning my outfit and I even went to a tanning salon (gasp!) As it was graciously pointed out to me today- this reunion has brought out a particular vanity that I don’t usually posses. But instead of getting angry with myself for being vapid and ridiculous I asked myself why. Why is it important for me to be appear fit, tan and happy to people that I haven’t seen in 10 years and that I, presumably, will not see for another 10.
It all comes down to insecurity. I did not have a horrible high school experience. It wasn’t the best time of my life either. What I remember most is an overwhelming sense of insecurity and I know that I’m not alone here. Raise your hand if you felt awkward and ugly as a teen. :::raises hand:::
Now here’s the irony. I say this not as bragging rights or because I think that it makes me special or because I want pity but I was the captain of the cheer squad for 4 years. I was also freshman homecoming princess. I was also the homecoming queen. I had trouble getting dates to prom. I was publicly dumped and humiliated at one of the dances. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 17 and I definitely didn’t have sex in high school. We all fetishize what it was like for the jock, the cheerleaders, the nerds, the outcasts but what I’ve become to learn is that we all had one common link- we were all growing up and trying to figure things out.
I think that we all feel pressure and anxiety about school reunions and how they should happen. There are entire movies devoted to it! I had a very close friend tell me she was depressed because she wasn’t married, didn’t have kids and didn’t have a high paying job. I reminded her that marriage, a career and children do not always equal happiness. Knowing that I am not the only one who has been forced to step back and look at where I am in my life and where I am “expected” to be was somewhat comforting to me. Kind of like sharing your humiliating moments from your teens. So I’m gonna go to that reunion and just be. I’ve come a long way and I am proud to be where I am.
