I’ve wanted to be a dancer for as long as my mind will allow me to remember. My best friend in elementary school was an extremely talented ballerina. I used to go to her recitals and sit in the audience so proud of her grace and yet secretly saddened that it wasn’t me. I envied the pastel costumes. The petal pinks and soft lavenders, the satin ribbons and chiffon skirts.
I would never know what it felt like to wear those costumes. I took a 4 week beginning ballet/tap/jazz class when I was in second grade but my mom was a single mom and we just couldn’t afford it. And then somewhere along the way I became known as the family klutz. I won’t deny that I am severely accident prone, I am, but being constantly reminded how clumsy and uncoordinated you are does not help your self esteem.
When I was entering high school I decided to try out for the cheer/dance squad. My mom immediately expressed her concern for my abilities. My older cousin who had been a cheerleader herself was very condescending and hurtful with her opinions on my clumsy past. To make a very long story short, I did make the squad and proved to be considerably talented, even earning All Star awards from UDA (Universal Dance Association).
There’s not much of a market for professional cheerleaders so after high school I decided to give swing and ballroom dancing a try. I immediately fell in love with International Style Latin and jumped head first into the decadent and time consuming world of ballroom dance. I had a coach who encouraged, enlightened and inspired me more than anyone I had ever known. I trained twice a week for two years and had a goal to go pro by the time I was 21. I competed pro/am with my coach and wiped out the competition every time. I had found something that I loved, that I was good at, that challenge and made me happy.
My family was never supportive of my love for dance. My mom constantly berated me for the time and money I was “wasting” (even though I was financially supporting her). None of them ever saw me compete. In fact, none of them have ever seen me dance.
Life happened and I had to give up dance and my dream of going pro. Then, 8 years, a marriage, two children, and a college degree later, I was ready to go back. I decided to begin teaching so I walked into a studio that was recommended to me and asked for a job. The owner graciously responded and I began my journey once again. As anxiety inducing as the experience was for me, it was easily one of the happiest times that I can remember. As my good friend Richard says “once you stop creating, The Man wins”. He is so right. For so many years I had abandoned dancing. I had stopped creating. This leads me to this moment in time…where do I go from here? I have committed to my training to be a therapist. I have two beautiful children that require lots of love and time. Where does that leave my desire to dance?
I don’t think that I am the best dancer. I have a lot to work on. But the last few weeks have been incredibly hard on me. I have a few students that I enjoy working with but I am not dancing myself. I feel so stagnant.
